At my trunk show last night, we were talking about transparency. The hostess, Raven Grace, had commented on a blog I wrote last week where I discussed feelings of failure. I had subsequently deleted the blog entry, because I started to think it sounded pathetic. When I originally decided to publish the blog I debated whether it was too much for the public airwaves. But I decided if you are going to have a blog, you have to say something of substance, because nobody wants to read your sugar coated version of life.
I published the blog and there was some good discussion about success and progress. I think some people found the blog thought provoking. But there were others who just seemed concerned about my well being. I definitely don't want people feeling sorry for me. So, I took the cowardly way out and deleted the blog. I am sure this is against some sort of blogging code. And I would suppose those people who actually read the blog and appreciated it's honesty and transparency were disapponted I woosed out and deleted it.
Raven Grace, last night's trunk show hostess, has a beautiful baby growing in her belly. Most of the other guests have multiple children and jobs they are juggling. It was interesting to hear the circular discussion between best friends about how relieved they were to hear the other was not totatlly put together all of the time. They were relieved to know one broke down in tears the other day after feeling she could not be in two places at one time, the other's house isn't always clean, and another has to control her environment so it doesn't control her. This transparency between best friends seemed to help ease concerns of inadequacy. We want people to think we have it all figured out, but truly, we all fall down sometimes, and sharing that with those we are close to helps us get back up.
I hope those who read my blog about success (or lack thereof) were inspired by the fact that everyone has bad days, not depressed by my feelings of failure. Being an outgoing, bubbly individual who likes to give off the impression I have the whole world sitting on a platter ready to eat, most people are completely unaware of my insecurities and failures. I am not transparent. I would rather have a facade of greatness than share the real face of saddness. My Norwegian upbringing has taught me when something negative happens you get back on the horse. You suck it up. And my late twenties and now early thirties have taught me, sharing our negative experiences along with our positive ones can help us deal. One reader might relate to my blog and feel less isolated. Another reader might grimace at the realities of my life. But being transparent inspires some reaction, where a facade inspires a nap.
I am going to try and be more transparent with my (millions :) of blog readers. This blog is supposed to be about all things pretty, so I won't turn it into my private therapy session, but I will try and call things like I see them. I will try to avoid sugar coating reality. And I will try and be transparent, because we all have shortcomings and weaknesses. We are sure to feel more isolated if we never get through each other's crusty facade of success. And we can grow closer if we are brave enough to share our feelings of failure.
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