Babies, Infants, Toddlers, and Children

ba·by   /ˈbeɪbi/
[bey-bee] –noun
1. an infant or very young child.
2. a newborn or very young animal.

in·fant   /ˈɪnfənt/
[in-fuhnt] –noun
1. a child during the earliest period of its life, especially before he or she can walk; baby.

toddler (ˈtɒdlə)
— noun
1. a young child, usually one between the ages of one and two and a half

child   /tʃaɪld/
[chahyld] –noun

1. a person between birth and full growth; a boy or girl: books for children.
2. a son or daughter: All my children are married.
3. a baby or infant.
4. a human fetus.
5. a childish person: He's such a child about money.
6. a descendant: a child of an ancient breed.
7. any person or thing regarded as the product or result of particular agencies, influences, etc.: Abstract art is a child of the 20th century.

I like children. I would say I love them. (Well, let's be honest, I love most of them.) I love spending time with children between the ages of 2.5 and 42.5. I like talking to them and figuring out how they think. I like learning new things with them. I like watching them grow. I like playing sports with them. I see children as little humans. I like them.

Babies, infants, and toddlers on the other hand... I do not know what to do with. After 4 months, when they have moved beyond the cute cuddley stage, I just don't get them. They can't talk. They drool a lot. And poop. And cry. You can't rationalize with them. You can't teach them about the meaning of life. Heck, they can't even sit up on their own for awhile. I really do love children, but I truly don't get babies.

Sorry, Maebel (my forthcoming niece). My visits might be short until you hit 2.5 and can start chatting me up and eating steak at the dinner table.

Your mom sure knew how to communicate. Check out that picture. Yikes!

Pirate John

We love pirates! September 19th is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Johnny Depp gave us Captain Jack Sparrow in Pirates of the Caribbean. Small children dress up likes pirates (and later college aged girls dress up like wenches) for Halloween.

One of the distinguishing characteristics of a pirate has always been the menacing eye patch. It is a symbol of mystery, strength, and intrigue. Historically, "it has been speculated that sailors who often went above and below deck might have used an eye patch to keep one eye adjusted to the darkness below decks. The strong sunlight while above deck on an oceangoing vessel could require minutes of adaptation to the dim lighting below deck. With virtually no light sources below deck, sailors would have to rely heavily upon their eyes to adjust. In the critical moments of modifying the rigging, navigating, and especially during battle, those minutes were too precious. A simple switch of the patch from one eye to the other might have saved time when going between decks. However, this usage of the eye patch is not supported by any historical records." Courtesy of Wikipedia.

My dad has always been a man of mystery, strength, and intrigue. When we were young, he would come home with a gash on his face and tell us about how he was ambushed in the woods and had to fight off, not one, but many men armed with spears and bows and arrows. He did push ups with us on his back. He has always been a stud. And now, he is more than a stud; he is a pirate! Eye patch and all!

My dad has had 6 retinal surgeries in a little over a year, with his most recent being today. Part of the recovery process is spending two weeks with your head face down. And no flying or travelling over mountain passes for three months. That means no skiing (maybe in the spring!) with all of the new snow.

It may sound like my dad is missing out on some things, but he has a great attitude and is reveling in his new found "pirate-ness". I think he looks awfully fierce. Looking like a pirate is a good consolation for any surgery.

And he has an excuse to talk like a pirate now. :)