I have been thinking about the life paths we choose and how we end up there. I have also been thinking about what is means to be "doing good." I spent some of my late teens and early twenties filled with an overwhelming guilt for the life I was given. First of all I was white. Based on my travel experiences, like it or not, in much of the world this makes your life easier. Next, I was American. Again, two steps up from a lot of people. Then, to top it all off, I was born into an upper-middle class family with two parents who loved each other and loved me. Gasp. I had all of my limbs, I was smart enough, not too ugly, and completely capable of doing anything I wanted. Logically, I was overwhelmed with grief.
How could I be born into this life of privilege, and others, through no fault of their own, were born hungry, afraid, and neglected. I could not understand how I would ever be able to prove to myself I was a strong person with integrity, when I knew I would never be confronted with the difficult choices some people faced every day. Could I clothe myself if I had no clothes? Would I give away my last piece of bread to feed someone who was hungry? How would I ever truly know my character if I never lacked anything?
I thought about moving to a city with nothing, living on the streets, and seeing if I could make it. I thought about spending years abroad volunteering. I was overwhelmed by how dismal my good fortune was. At some point, I am not sure when, I realized I wouldn't do anybody any good if I was paralyzed by my own blessings. I was savvy enough to realize the practicalities of how the world worked. I went to law school so I could have all of the tools, both financial and intellectual, to help people. But as a lawyer, I lacked joy in my own life. I dreaded going to work. I was painfully bored. I tried to remain positive and band-aid my feelings, but I knew I had to make a change. Thankfully, the universe helped me out with that. After spending so much time preparing to practice law, I struggled with what would be next. I wanted to do something I could get excited about. I wanted to work late into the evening, because I lost track of time. I did not want to watch the little clock in the bottom right hand corner of my computer ticking away as I billed fractions of an hour to my real estate clients. But when you can be whatever you want, how do you decide what to be?
After quite a bit of rumination, I decided to launch Bon Lemon. Peddling sparkly jewelry might not seem like a lofty goal for an altruistic lawyer with hopes of saving the world. Through successes, failures, relationships, and a little bit of therapy, I have realized the greatest gift you can give the world is to spread the joy that lies within yourself. Bon Lemon inspires me. I love thinking about people putting on a bracelet and feeling pretty. I love the mundane organizing, spreadsheet creation, and ordering that goes along with owning a jewelry business. I love donating 10% of our trunk show profits. I love having ultimate responsibility for my success that might someday allow me to start a philanthropic foundation. I am finally doing something I am good at and enjoy that benefits myself and others.
I could be in Africa, with a heavy heart, caring for HIV positive orphans. My path may lead me to Uganda or Sudan yet. But for now, I feel I am doing good here at Bon Lemon. I feel I am enhancing the lives of those within my circle and continue to spread the circumference of that circle. I plan to volunteer more of my time to the community. I am inspired to work harder and do more. I want to be a good friend, sister, citizen, girlfriend, business owner, advocate, and person. I plan to bring a little sparkle into people's lives with a cocktail ring or earrings, with the hope of making greater contributions over time.
I do not think character is defined by how difficult your life has been. We can not choose the cards we have been dealt, but we can decide how to play them. I think character is defined by seeking a path that inspires you, finding joy, and doing good.
Gorgeous post, brave, honest, and lovely - just like Bon Lemon's owner.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you that character comes in determining how to play the cards we are dealt, and sometimes, in not playing them at all.
Your Dad and I have watch you struggle with this most of your young life so far and felt helpless in our attempts to help you resolve the conflict within. We feel joy that you have found a path that is allowing you to finally feel a positive joyful purpose in your life--you have been giving that to others for many years and will continue to as that is who you are. Bon chance Bon Lemon!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post Amy, I think that integrity doesn't have to come from struggle - and it is a wonderful thing to be at peace knowing that you are helping individuals on a personal level. Also, I am loving everything that you are showing - can't wait to spend some money and make my life a little more sparkly!
ReplyDeleteSweet, sweet comments. Thanks to you all!
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