I have had the privilege of working with Mary Burg of Mary Burg and Company Coaching. I call Mary my sensei. She has made some great suggestions on how to better my life, business, and attitude towards all of the above. If you need a professional/life coach, I highly recommend Mary.
I love problem solving, and if I see a possible solution, I am usually quick to take action. Almost 6 months ago, Mary recommended an exercise for me. She thought it would help me meet my financial goals for Bon Lemon, removing any mental obstacles that might exist. I was paralyzed. Her exercise appeared so daunting, I put it off for months. I couldn't stand the idea of it. Me, the one who never backs down from a fight, has eaten at restaurants alone just to prove a point, and who is generally quite ballsy, couldn't do it. Or at least I wouldn't.
For the last month, I kept coming back to this exercise. I felt guilty for not completing it. And I started wondering if it might be what was standing between me, Bon Lemon, and the other side. After a motivating walk/chat with one of my most emotionally evolved friends, aptly referred to on this blog as North Star, I committed to her that I would complete the exercise within the day. I committed to my friend, when I could not commit to myself. Oh geez. Now I had to do it. And that is when things started to get painful.
So... What was the exercise? Eating rotten milk or walking on hot coals? Nope. The exercise: I had to ask 3 people for $1. I couldn't tell them why or explain myself. And then I had to give 3 people $1. And I couldn't tell them why or explain myself. Sounds simple right? Not simple! PAINFUL! I can give things away, but I am TERRIBLE at asking for things and often at receiving them. Especially, without explaining myself or justifying my request. (Can't imagine why Mary recommended this exercise...) Today, I committed to completing the exercise. And I did.
If I were to recount all of the nuances of my thoughts and reflections, this would be a book, not a blog. I would be happy to chat with anyone more about this process. I could go on and on. I will give you the highlights.
1. This process was uncomfortable and painful from start to finish. I started off sitting in my car staring at people, paralyzed. I ended up sitting in my car staring at people, paralyzed. It wasn't until 15 minutes after I completed the exercise that I started to feel relieved and the pieces started to come together. I strongly believe our most challenging experiences are the most rewarding/growth inducing. This one definitely was.
2. I asked 4 people for $1. Two men and two women. One who looked like he didn't have much to spare and three who looked like they did. One at a bus stop and three at the mall. They ranged in age from 20ish to 60ish.
3. 3 people said no. 1 said yes and gave me $1. I gave $1 away.
5. The man who gave me $1 was the second person I asked and in his mid-60's and based on appearances looked like he was retired and middle class. He was the only one who seemed to assess my character and make his decision based on what he "saw." The other people dismissed me without even "seeing" me.
The man I picked to give $1 was of similar description, but less warm. When I gave him $1, he looked skeptical and asked what the gimmick was.
5. Women seemed less sympathetic and willing to listen than men. I found it more difficult to approach women.
6. When approached by someone they don't know, whether at a bus stop or at a mall, most people assume you want something from them or are selling something and they are immediately defensive. Most people avoided eye contact with me when I scanned groups of people with a friendly face.
7. I did not feel good in the end. People seemed put out by my request. But the man who "saw" me and gave me $1 made me feel good. After his response, I was temporarily empowered. This quickly passed when others dismissed me. I do not give money to panhandlers. I don't want to perpetuate a cycle of apathy and asking for handouts, but does that mean I have become blind to those who have a legitimate goal and need help? Have I stopped "seeing" people? Does asking for $1 make me dependent or needy or lazy? What does it say about me? These are all things I am still reflecting on. I am also reflecting on how this affects Bon Lemon and its financial success. (Just received an order from a new customer in Virginia. I think it has begun. The time is now...)
I wonder if explaining my project would have made people more sympathetic? Or if the outcome would have been different if I completed the exercise at a different location? But as North Star says, maybe one of my lessons is to focus on the process instead of the outcome. Lightbulb. As expected, this exercise was one of the most poignant I have experienced. I believe I opened the door I have been staring at. As I said on Friday,
The Time is Now. Is it ever.
P.S. Thank you to the man who gave me $1. I tried to complete the rest of my exercise more quickly, so I could return and chat with him about my project. But that would have defeated the purpose, I suppose. So of course, he wasn't there. There were many lessons in this exercise, but this man, who was willing to part with $1 after honestly assessing my intentions, was leading the class. Thank you, kind Sir.
