Bullying. Empathy. Personal Responsibility. And Guts.

I have blogged about the act of blogging before. Blogging is a strange thing. A public diary. A style notebook. A recipe collection. A journal. Blogging can be many things. Those blogs that bare the heart and guts of the author are the ones that touch me most. A mother who recognizes the horror (and then guilt and then love) she felt when she gave birth to a child with Down's Syndrome. A soldier's wife who admits it is equally hard to adjust to her husband's comings as it is his goings.

And this week I was touched by my cousin's blog about being bullied as a teenager. Following the suicide of a teenager from her high school, my cousin blogged about the bullying she experienced in high school. Being told she looked like a mentally disabled kid when she smiled; being told she was a lesbian, because she had short hair; being followed home by girls who told her they were going to kill her. These are things I never knew about my cousin.

My cousin is one of the most genuinely kind people I know. She has always seemed to excel in athletics, academics, work, and social situations. I would never have known she was bullied. And I certianly would not have known she was carrying around that pain for years. Was I listening?

I recently completely The Landmark Forum. The only way I know how to describe The Landmark Forum is an intense self-improvement course. Jill Capuzzo said, "Other seminars may offer supportive hugs; this one hits you between the eyes." The Forum is completed by thousands of people around the world every year. The transformations can be so dramatic, some have referred to Landmark as a cult. People are so excited, they can be a bit salesy. You can do a Google search and read all sorts of reviews from different angles. For me, choosing to take The Forum impacted my life in ways I could never have imagined.

The Landmark Forum is one of many tools we can use to navigate life, but I think it is the Swiss Army Knife of self-improvement tools. It imparts a sense of empathy and personal responsibility that is never lost. The girls that bullied my cousin were afraid. Whether they were afraid of themselves, someone else, or both, I don't know. But if they were able to look at my cousin with empathy, maybe they would not have bullied her. If they had listened, they may have found bullies are not very different than those being bullied. Listening takes guts, because sometimes what you hear is scary.

When I was in high school there was a quarter when I didn't want to go to school, because there were some girls who were threatening to beat me up. Who knows why. Something about my ex-boyfriend. I have purged the details, because it is irrelevant to me now, but there was some pretty hard core harassment from a variety of angles that culminated with my parents getting involved. I never thought I was bullied, because my reaction was to become really tough. My reaction was to be more savvy than anyone else so I could avoid being the target again. And I was very successful. But, although, I admire my strength, I know I use it both as a tool and as a crutch. Keeping people at arm's length is easy and safe, but it does not require guts.

What if we all lived our lives with guts? With empathy? With personal responsibility? What if we wondered what must have happened to those girls to inspire them to bully another girl? What if we listened to our loved ones to hear the story they weren't yet ready to tell? What if we didn't see ourselves as victims of others, but them as the victims of themselves?

Some of the ways I have transformed my life post-Landmark sound a bit "woo woo." (My favorite buzz word for touchy feely things that don't seem particularly practical.) I see possibilities for myself and those people around me that appeared impossible before. I see people for who they are and why they are that way. This doesn't mean I am a zen master who has stopped thinking some people are jerks and that the government is full of self- interested facists :), but I am more in touch with the root and impact of those thoughts. I am committed to living with empathy and personal responsibility. I choose to live with guts. And I want to inspire people around me to live with guts.

Thanks to my cousin for inpiring me. And living with guts.

Is justice pretty?

Osama/Usama is dead. (Can someone please standardize Arabic/English translations so we don't have 43 spellings for every prominent word?) Or at least, all media outlets, aside from the fringe, are telling us Osama/Usama is dead. Most are rejoicing. Obama said, "justice has been done." And a few are questioning the outcry of support for the murder of a man who never saw a trial.

Has justice been done? Is justice the death of a terrorist? Or the sanctity of a justice system? Or the vindication of a victim? Or forgiveness? Per dictionary.com, justice is, "The quality of being fair and reasonable." One thing I learned in law school is the erosion of the rights of the guilty, infringe upon the rights of the innocent. Can we offer the same rights to an accused child molester as we would a cute, harmless grandmother? This is where justice is challenged.

We follow our intricate justice system with its checks and balances in trying even the most egregious acts, because there is no liberty in a police state. When our government decides to kill someone without a trial by jury, the government has ultimate control. They decide who to silence. When speaking of terrorists, this is welcome. But when speaking of political dissidents or activists, most would say these actions would fly in the face of our democracy.

Can we be "fair and reasonable" when looking at a man who likely orchestrated the "slaughter" of thousands of Americans? Can we have faith in our justice system when we have seen OJ get off or the numerous people sue and win lawsuits based on their own stupidity? Does the desire to "string him up" come from an impatience with the speed of the justice system? An eye for an eye? Or a hatred of the unknown?

I don't have the stomach for killing/ordering killing of other humans. I wish we lived in a world where we all treated each other with kindness and empathy. And I am realistic enough to realize there is evil in this world and there are times, justice must be defended with a sword. And sometimes, it ain't pretty.

Do I think the world is a better place without Hitler? Yes. Do I think the world is a better place without Osama/Usama? I don't see why not. But I would also like to live in a world ruled by thought, rather than hate and fear. If intelligent justice means we shoot a man, fine. As long as our choice is "fair and reasonable," not the result of fear induced group think.

Which world are we in now?

Fur

I am an animal lover. I consider myself reasonably socially conscious. I eat meat. I wear leather. And sometimes, I wear fur. Is this a contradiction?

Lately, I have been thinking a lot about fur. I do not want to be a hypocrite, and I do not want to participate in an industry I am ashamed of. I eat locally raised pork, because I am disgusted by the conditions factory farms raise pigs in. I drink organic, local milk, because I think it is better for the cow and better for me. And, I have always felt wearing fur was no different than wearing leather, except for the social stigma against doing so.

If you travel to cold climates, people wear fur out of necessity. It is the warmest fabric I have ever worn, much surpassing down (sometimes I wonder how much those geese like having their feathers plucked out), Thinsulate, etc. If you go to Russia, you will see all ends of the socioeconomic spectrum wearing fur coats, because people need it to keep warm. Here in the US, fur has the reputation of being a flashy choice indicating affluence.

I like the way fur looks, but more than that, I like that it is water repellent and soooo warm. There are some disturbing examples of animal mistreatment in the fur industry, but my research has shown this is true of all industries dealing with animals. There are companies that respect the animal and there are those that don't. My opinion has always been, the important part is to do your research on where you are purchasing animal products.

At times, I feel so much empathy for animals I think I should be a PETA supporting vegan. And more often, I think about the circle of life and how our ecosystem has functioned historically. Currently, I eat meat, wear leather shoes, and occasionally, a fur vest.

This blog promises to be a bit controversial. Fur is polarizing. Bon Lemon only sells animal friendly fur products. Part of the reason for this is, because I am still formulating my opinion on fur. It seems to me fur elicits an emotional reaction, but when you look at it logically, there is not much difference between wearing a fur vest and eating a piece of meat and wearing a leather jacket.

I welcome your comments both positive and negative. This discussion is like so many that are plagued with extremes on both sides. I am more interested in whether one can be an educated, socially conscious fur consumer or if buying fur is always bad.